By Emily Dickinson
The Soul selects her own Society —
Then — shuts the Door —
To her divine Majority —
Present no more —
Unmoved — she notes the Chariots — pausing —
At her low Gate —
Unmoved — an Emperor be kneeling
Upon her Mat —
I’ve known her — from an ample nation —
Choose One —
Then — close the Valves of her attention —
Like Stone —
c. 1862
I think that the only way we become toxic is from doing too much ‘people pleasing’ and not wanting to ‘hurt others’. Why give two shits (pardon my french) for essentially strangers that’ll throw you under the bus the second they look away?
When I become afraid of hurting others, and sacrifice my own feelings, hold back my opinions and voice, I inevitably become insincere and fake. Does that make me toxic? Yes, because I’m not aligned with my inner self and my being!
I read somewhere (and many times after), that “all problems and negative consequences stem from a lack of connectedness with your inner self.” Which essentially means: a lack of authenticity, self-respect, and self-love.
Which brings me to the fascinating idea that there are only two root emotions from which all other emotions stem🌱 from and that is from either: “LOVE”🥰 or “FEAR”😱. Any act that you do out of “fear” rather than “love” will find its way back to you or create some sort of negative vibrational schism in the Universe and vice versa.
I also love observing people and watching their “energy”; who has stronger + weaker energies and mentally create pictures in my head of who they truly are. Everyone is beautiful in their essence. And everyone is beautiful as they are.
I hate toxic people, do you hate toxic people? Everyone hates toxic people. But how to know that we are not the toxic one? The harder we try not be something, the more we attract what it is that we are trying to push away! I’ve been trained in the ballet world to suppress my hurts and my pains thanks to the tender motto “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”; and also not wanting my parents to worry by acting “a-ok” most of the time. That’s why there’s another motto that balances this out: “work hard, play harder”☝ The more you “mask” and keep your emotions inside the more they begin to ‘destroy’ you🦟
To be honest, I’d love to get angry more often, but then I get this feeling that I don’t want to hurt people. So there develops an interesting triad between being myself + expressing my emotions, not offending others, and being toxic vs. being myself 🤔
So I have a little story. My whole “goal” since I was 9 years and went with my family to a protestant church — that taught me that famous phrase: “what would Jesus do?” — was to be the living embodiment of Jesus Christ through self-sacrifice. Guilt and being a ‘victim’ was good, appeasing others was ‘holy’ in my little head at the time. Boy did that get me far! I got into so much self-aggrandizement and bitterness towards others for not understanding my “sacrifice” and “pure intentions” that I should have learned by now.
Philosophical Thoughts 